Ah, faith.

I've lost it. *refers to title*

I've lost...my sense of worth. I've lost faith that life is going to get better. It really isn't. I don't know why I delude myself into thinking that it will be.

I've lost the touch. The magic touch where I could easily talk to any of my friends and feel welcome. And loved. And respected. And all those other things. I'm not the same person I was before. I'm someone that no one really wants to associate with.

I've lost the girl. Yes, the girl. She'll never say yes. I can prove it, but what's the point? There is no point. She'll never say yes for as long as I live. And it doesn't really matter who it is. She'll never say yes.

I've lost the job. No, I still work. I've lost the will to work. Why work? Why bother supporting myself? Supporting anyone? I'm clearly unfit. I'm just another lazy bum who's getting by day by day. It's not like life brings any satisfaction. Why should I work to support a life that has no justification?

I've lost the dream. There once was a time when my dreams saw the future. Laugh all you want, but my dreams came true. Every single one of them. And then they stopped. And then I had normal dreams, about flying, or being a secret agent, or doing all sorts of random things that you wouldn't do in real life. The things that don't ever come true. But it's more than that. I've lost any hope that life is going to get better. I'm tired of waiting for a better future. I'm tired of looking for opportunity and working hard to get what I deserve. I've worked hard. I don't get what I deserve. I get the opposite of what I deserve. Karma doesn't exist. If it did, I must have been Hitler in my past life.

Faith? What faith. Hope? What hope. These are all meaningless to me now. It doesn't matter if she says yes; she'd be doing it out of pity. It doesn't matter if I land a swell job; I'd only be recognized for someone I'm not. It doesn't matter if life gets better; it always gets worse. There is no rock bottom. Life always gets worse. There's really no point in me typing anymore.

And you know what? I'm pathetic. I keep thinking about how life would just be so much less stressing if I jumped off a cliff, or into a car, or into a lake, or off a plane, or whatever. But I could never go through with it.

BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH THAT ONE DAY IT'LL GET BETTER.

Now that's pathetic. I'm so stupid.